“I don't believe in this business of being behind, better to be in front.”
“Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.”
“If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none.”
“Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.”
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”
“If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.”
“Humor is just another defense against the universe.”
“A lot of music is mathematics. It's balance.”
“Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.”
“I was a soldier in WWII. The last couple of months of the war I was actually in combat.”
“Well, just being stupid and politically incorrect doesn't work. You can be politically incorrect if you're smart.”