Quotes by Mark Twain

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”

“Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.”

“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.”

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

“When angry, count to four when very angry, swear.”

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”

“If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.”

“We have the best government that money can buy.”

“Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.”

“It is not best that we should all think alike it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.”

“Prosperity is the best protector of principle.”

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”

“It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.”

“Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.”

“A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.”

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”

“It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.”

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

“The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”

“Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.”

“In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.”

“Don't let schooling interfere with your education.”

“I've never let my school interfere with my education.”

“Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.”

“Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.”

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”

“I never let schooling interfere with my education.”

“Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.”

“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.”

“Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”

“It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.”

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”

“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”

“All generalizations are false, including this one.”

“By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.”

“Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.”

“God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.”

“Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.”

“Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.”

“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

“Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”

“It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.”

“Golf is a good walk spoiled.”

“Thunder is good, thunder is impressive but it is lightning that does the work.”

“Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.”

“The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.”

“Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.”

“There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.”

“To be good is noble but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.”

“What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.”

“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.”

“Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.”

“Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.”

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.”

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

“My books are like water those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.”

“There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.”

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.”

“The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.”

“Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.”

“Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.”

“Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.”

“The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow there is no humor in Heaven.”

“Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.”

“You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.”

“I must have a prodigious quantity of mind it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.”

“Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”

“To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.”

“What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.”

“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.”

“Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.”

“The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.”

“The lack of money is the root of all evil.”

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”

“Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.”

“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.”

“Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.”

“When people do not respect us we are sharply offended yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.”

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

“The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.”

“All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.”

“A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”

“Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”

“A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.”

“I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.”

“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”

“It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.”

“Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.”

“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities Truth isn't.”

“When in doubt tell the truth.”

“Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.”

“Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.”

“Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.”

“Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.”

“Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.”

“Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.”

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