“Slump, and the world slumps with you. Push, and you push alone.”
“Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.”
“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”
“Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.”
“The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure.”
“An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.”
“Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car.”
“Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.”
“The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure.”
“You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.”
“If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.”
“A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.”
“Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.”
“An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it.”
“Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.”
“Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.”
“Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.”
“Men now monopolize the upper levels... depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities for incompetence.”
“Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.”
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.”
“It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.”