“In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone but sometimes it is a great relief.”
“A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.”
“If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.”
“I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.”
“The good die young, because they see it's no use living if you have got to be good.”
“You can only be as good as you dare to be bad.”
“Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.”
“Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.”
“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?”
“The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.”
“Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.”
“I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.”