“I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I'd change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear.”
“Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away that's the deal.”
“I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.”
“Never put a sock in a toaster.”
“I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing.”
“So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!”
“I'm quite good at taking in information so I voraciously inhale Wikipedia - which may have some things wrong in it, but I think is generally more information than we had before. Last tour we didn't have Wikipedia. And then Discovery Channel and History Channel. I can take it in and retain what I think are the most important facts.”
“Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.”
“I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.”
“Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both... different. In spelling.”
“I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever.”
“There was no religion in my life growing up. Did God invent us or did we invent God?”
“I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.”