“The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.”
“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.”
“The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.”
“If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.”
“Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.”
“Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.”
“The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.”
“A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!”
“A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.”
“The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.”
“A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.”
“Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.”
“Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.”
“For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.”
“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.”
“Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.”